just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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