Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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