Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my liver is dry heaving
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
