: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
