I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
