Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
