Cold hands, warm shart.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
whose parrot is this?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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