new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Boobs are out for the taking
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
