i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not ubering you a puppy
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
