when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
