matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
