this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if only i could text you this smell
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize