I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
