the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
