I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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