They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
