I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
