There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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