I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize