I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
