I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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