Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
