Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
