If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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