i need an iv and a liver transplant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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