Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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