I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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