non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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