**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
