who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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