Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
