I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
