it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You made out with two different species that night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
