I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
