he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
