That's when you crack a 10am beer
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
