You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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