I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
