I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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