Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
