Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
