What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
