Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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