the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
