I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
