the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize