That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Holy sore nipples Batman
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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