I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this boner is exhausting
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
