I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
