Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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