I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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