I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize