dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
