like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
