Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
