I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone came in the potted fern
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
