Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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