duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
