At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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