it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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