Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
