sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
