the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
