soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
