We're like a lot better than the average bears
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
