one might say we're banned from that church
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
