So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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