Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
