Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize