i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
