got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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