I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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