and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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