I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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