Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
