You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
