I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
