New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
