I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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