Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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