Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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