Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
