yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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