He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
