I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
