Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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