just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
