Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
