The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
