she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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