i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
