Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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